Satisfying the Hungry Heart

Opening Prayer (PS 145:15-16)

The eyes of all look hopefully to you,

and you give them their food in due season;

you open your hand

and satisfy the desire of every living thing. Amen.

Greetings!

Would God ever ask us to offer up something for Him that He considered to be "evil" or "bad?" Didn't God always ask us to give the best and first parts of ourselves? Those parts that were "without blemish" and "first-fruits" to be set aside and consecrated to Him that we may be filled in every other way? Why then would God ask us to offer up our sexual desires in the virtue of chastity, as childlovers, if human sexuality and desire was in itself an "evil" thing? On the contrary! God, if we are so disposed (as many of us are), asks us to offer up to Him our most holy gift, our sexuality, our faculty that allows us to share in His creative power, both so that He may empty us of it and so that He may fill us with Himself. Therefore, our lives of toil and anguish without sexual fulfillment are spent as a gift, a sacrifice, because ultimately God wants to be the source and summit of all our fulfillment. 

Readings and Discussion

At church I often can't help but notice families with children and feel a deep desire in my heart for a child of my own to love and to guide. This is something I do not have, only because the Lord hasn't blessed me in such a way. There are two lines of thought one can think in this situation. The first is the "me-focused" route: "Why should I have to stand here alone while others get to be everything I want to be toward a child? Why should I be denied the ability to exemplify the charity of God and "pour myself out" for another as He did for me? Surely, the Lord must want this for me, and knows that it would make me happy, and if the Lord was all-loving, He would want me to be happy." I say this is the selfish route for obvious reasons. It's all about "me" and there's no question why I'm unable to find happiness in it. But there's another route, the "Christ-like" route: "I am happy that God has dealt such with those families and blessed them with children, may they serve them as faithfully as God is faithful. God has dealt thus with them, and He hasn't dealt thus with me, but I am thankful for all His judgments, for He knows what each soul needs, and has given both them and I what we need. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." In this way, there is abundant happiness to be found. 

In saying this, we can't help but remember the words of Job, but remember, Job labored with intense soul-searching as any of us would when we feel we're being cheated by God. Let us consider Elihu's reprove of Job for trying to justify his own interests ahead of God's: 

"Yet you ask him, 'What profit is it to me, and what do I gain by not sinning?' I would like to reply to you and to your friends with you. Look up at the heavens and see; gaze at the clouds so high above you. If you sin, how does that affect him? If your sins are many, what does that do to him? If you are righteous, what do you give to him, or what does he receive from your hand? Your wickedness only affects humans like yourself, and your righteousness only other people." (Job 35:4-8)

Remember that nothing we "do" or "don't do" gives or takes anything away from God, but that, as St. Paul writes, "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). Therefore, as Matthew Henry explains in his Concise Commentary on the above verse in Job: "We have no reason to complain if we have not what we expect, but should be thankful that we have better than we deserve." And how much better we certainly do have it than what we deserve, thanks be to God! If we expect "justice" from God, He will give us our "justice." He will give us what we deserve! If we however acknowledge His mercy, He will give us freely what we don't deserve, His mercy, and abundantly! But how do we truly live this out and acknowledge His mercy? 

As childlovers it can sometimes seem like we are given the gift of a sexuality only for our perpetual torment, that we must "burn with passion" (as St. Paul writes) simply because (for many of us) the vocation to matrimony is not an option. But consider this, if sexuality truly were an evil visited upon us for our torment, it would neither be for God's glory or our own benefit to abstain from it, just as there is no benefit from simply "not sinning." We know that apart from God, all sacrifice is in vain, but with God, all sacrifice is for our own good and His glory. Sexuality and desire is not an evil thing then, in itself, because God would never ask us to work in vain, but it is our heart that is convicted by the words of Christ against "adultery in the heart" (Matthew 5:27-28), that it is the lust of the heart that is an evil. What we as childlovers should do in response to the Lord's mercy is cease from sin (pornography, masturbation, unlawful sexual practices...etc.), because it is fruitless, but more importantly live for God, not in perpetual torment, but in perpetual sacrifice, offering up that part of us that is inherently good (our sexuality), because ultimately doing that is fruit-full. The meaning of the virtue of chastity is not a "no, you can't be sexual, you can't use this good gift God has given you," ...instead, it's a "yes, you can live to God, and you can use this good gift God has given you, for His sake, for the Kingdom." And so we come to the promise God makes to each and every one of us, as spoken from the pen of the prophet Isaiah in today's reading: 

"Thus says the LORD: All you who are thirsty, come to the water! You who have no money, come, receive grain and eat; Come, without paying and without cost, drink wine and milk! Why spend your money for what is not bread; your wages for what fails to satisfy? Heed me, and you shall eat well, you shall delight in rich fare. Come to me heedfully, listen, that you may have life. I will renew with you the everlasting covenant, the benefits assured to David." IS 55:1-3

Note just what God promises, that His benefits He gives without cost on our part, for they are freely given. How often though do we tax ourselves with anguish and turmoil by simply failing to acknowledge the gifts that He has given us? We hunger and thirst for things He hasn't given us, which causes us despair and unnecessary, unfruitful anguish, and yet neglect to FILL ourselves on the things that He HAS given us in abundance! What has he given us though? Many things, and all the opportunities the present moment offers for us to do His will each and every second, more than we could do in a million lifetimes. One thing He's given us IS our "sexuality," which a good thing, not that it be "put to no use" and "discarded," but that we may USE it as a sacrifice at every moment of our lives in union with His own sacrifice, saying along with Christ as He gives up His Body for us: "Now this is my body, which is given up for You." 

We read in Paul's letter to the Romans that in this nothing will separate us from the love of Christ, in fact, Paul reminds us that not only does our anguish of total self-giving not separate us from God, but actually can be used to draw us all the closer: 

"What will separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword? No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us." ROM 8:35, 37-39

And lest we think we need "great things" from God in order to be satisfied, He teaches us in His Holy Gospel how he was able to satisfy the hunger of five thousand men (along with many women and children) with only five loaves and two fish. Indeed, it is in the small things, the everyday things, the things we probably overlook, the little random acts of kindness, that God is able to use for our eternal satisfaction both in this life and the next if we cooperate with His grace regardless of our state of life. What He gives to us freely in His mercy is more abundant than anything we could ever "ask for" or "desire," and He gives it all to us every second:  

"Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied, and they picked up the fragments left over—twelve wicker baskets full." MT 14:13-21

Let us as childlovers say along with King David: "Lord, You alone are my portion and my cup..." (Psalm 16:5), and "...my cup runs over" (Psalm 23:5). 

Remember... there were always "leftovers."

Closing Prayer (PS 145:17-18):

The LORD is just in all his ways

and holy in all his works.

The LORD is near to all who call upon him,

to all who call upon him in truth. Amen.

Grace and peace be to you. 

Taking One for the Team

Opening Prayer (PS 112:4-5)

Light shines through the darkness for the upright;
he is gracious and merciful and just.
Well for the man who is gracious and lends,
who conducts his affairs with justice. Amen.

Greetings!

Sometimes we got to "take one for the team." Childlovers are often not given (and indeed can't have) children, the very objects of their desire (whether it be a sexual desire, emotional desire, or even a truly loving desire), because sometimes God in his purpose wants the childlover to desire God first and foremost. We actually become idolaters if our love for children takes priority before our love for God. Christian Childlovers should love children for the sake of God, and if God's decision in their life is that they remain apart from children, then we express our love for God by living chaste lives and therefore "love children" as God would have us love them, even if it means being apart from them! We "take it for the team." This is hardship, but the fruits of it are God's perfect love in the world (the greater good than our own satisfaction, which is met in Christ). Christians are supposed to take it on themselves in order to be "a light to the world," the "salt of the earth" (the very "preservative" of humanity) (Matthew 5:13), so we can't afford to have disordered, earthly attachments (even to children). We got to keep all things in perspective and relative to our love for God, especially if it literally "weakens" us to do so. 

Readings and Discussion

Some of the most cutting words the Lord gives are "For surely, they have their reward" (Matthew 6:2, and elsewhere). If this applies to you, which to some extent it applies to all of us at times, it means "congratulations, you wanted something and you got it, but now that's all you're going to get." In this respect, there is nothing worse than actually getting what we want all the time, because it means we can't receive anything else. People who have abundance have no need of anything, which is why Christ says "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven" (Matthew 5:3), because those who know they don't have something are the ones open to recieving whatever the Lord is willing to give, knowing that He can give all things. We have to give up what we want and can't have in the flesh (whatever it may be) in order to obtain the greater gift that we often don't really want (let's be honest) and yet can have (and do have already) abundantly in the spirit (which is God Himself). Thus, God's message to St. Paul was not the lifting of the "thorn in his side," but the response: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2nd Corinthians 12:9). God therefore sometimes makes us weak and lowly by denying us the objects of our desire so that we may need Him all the more. 

For the Christian Childlover, perhaps God makes us pedophiles so that we can't have the object of our desire, only so that we should desire God instead, so that His power may be made perfect in our weakness. When His power is made perfect in us, the response is always an outpouring of generosity, even if it's motivated by a daily struggle against impure thoughts and temptations toward selfish gratification. From the abundance of our weaknesses, God motivates us to "power through it" and become holy like Him. So many saints (St. Augustine for example) were not propelled not by some artificial "innate holiness," but by the sheer depth of their insecurities, sins, temptations, and brokenness. Their weaknesses are what compelled them all the more to become that "shining city on a hill that can not be hidden." And thus, as the prophet Isaiah describes, deep wounds provoke charity and the removal of all malice and lust, and that action then provokes holiness and Godliness (faith inspiring works): 

"Thus says the LORD: Share your bread with the hungry, shelter the oppressed and the homeless; clothe the naked when you see them, and do not turn your back on your own. Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your wound shall quickly be healed; your vindication shall go before you, and the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer, you shall cry for help, and he will say: Here I am! If you remove from your midst oppression, false accusation and malicious speech; if you bestow your bread on the hungry and satisfy the afflicted; then light shall rise for you in the darkness, and the gloom shall become for you like midday." IS 58:7-10

The faith of the Christian Childlover therefore should inspire him to put away all uncleanness, all malice, all lust, all disordered covetousness (of children), and replace these desires with cleanliness, charity for children (feeding the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless...etc.). It is not these works that "heal the wound" (disordered affections for children), but the faith that inspires you to go and do them (otherwise, your faith would've been a "dead faith" (James 2:26)), and then it's that same faith that also heals of your "wound," which is the disorder (pedophilia). The result is not just the healing of the wound though, but the betterment of your very soul... the very thing that makes you "you." You become the person you were made to be (a saint), rather than the just fallen creature that you are. Your "vindication will go before you" (looking ahead) and the "glory of the Lord will be your rear guard" (keeping you from ever "looking back" or "going back"). In other words, the Spirit in your conscience will stop you from returning to any unholy way that is now dead to you, especially if it may be a daily struggle. 

St. Paul knew that this work, inspired by faith, was more important than mere declarations of faith without the works to back them up. A Christian Childlover can claim to be a follower of Christ as the day is long, but if he has no contrition and no resolve to change his life of sexual lust or even just puts the love of children before the love of God, he's deceiving himself and not actually following Christ. I can sit here and write this entire blog out and it does me not one bit of good (and in fact, can actually become a curse for me) whenever I fail to follow Christ in the same manner. Thus, St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians that he did not come as a great rhetorical speaker and dazzle them with his own insights (even though he was a very learned man), but came and presented his weaknesses to them so that he could show the power of God to transform those weaknesses into holiness: 

"When I came to you, brothers and sisters, proclaiming the mystery of God, I did not come with sublimity of words or of wisdom. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear and much trembling, and my message and my proclamation were not with persuasive words of wisdom, but with a demonstration of Spirit and power, so that your faith might rest not on human wisdom but on the power of God." 1 COR 2:1-5

Likewise when a Christian Childlover presents his own weaknesses and failings (his lust, among others), he does so only so that power of God may be exemplified in just how far it was able to transform him from such a lowly state to a state of Godliness... once again, not by any power of his, but by that which comes in Christ by the Holy Spirit. By doing so the Christian Childlover fulfills the titles (Matthew 5:3) that the Lord gives to those who faithfully, even under weakness and constant temptation (and even through all the failings and fallings) execute under pain and hardship the vocation to chastity (which is self-discipline) and charity (which is love) that all people are tasked with: 

"Jesus said to his disciples: “You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father."' MT 5:13-16

We may never lay our hands on someone and cure them of their ills, as St. Peter was able to do in the Holy Spirit for the lame beggar (Acts 3:1-9), but if the Holy Spirit (given by Christ) indwells in us, we can be perfectly healed or made perfectly whole, which is no less a feat. And then those who see us, especially other Childlovers, will be more apt to give glory to God in Heaven that such a "miracle" could take place, once they see the "change" in us for the better. The change in us, from a sinner to a saint, is no less a miracle for God than the healing of the sick. Through that, even though we may stumble and fall many times throughout our lives, we are made to be the "salt of the earth," and the "shining city on a hill that can not be hidden," and the "light of the world" or the "lamp set on a lampstand." We are to do these acts in front of others, just as Peter did with lame beggar, not so that we may be glorified, but that God may be glorified through us. And thus St. Peter rightly said: “It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has completely healed him, as you can all see" (Acts 3:12, 16b). From the depths of our God-given weaknesses come the height of our God-given holiness. That is how we become "Christ-like." 

We are only the "salt of the earth" when we can say with total confidence, along with King David:

"I waited patiently for the Lord,
and he inclined and heart my cry.
He lifted me out of the muddy pit,
out of the mud and the mire.
And He set my feet upon a rock,
and established my steps.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise unto God,
and many shall see and fear the Lord,
and put their trust in Him." (Psalm 40:1-2)

Let us also recall the words of the Blessed Mother: "Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it be done to me according to Your will" (Luke 1:38). And finally, the words of the Blessed Lord Himself, before he was to "take one for the team" and be sacrificed for the good of all others: 

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done" (Luke 22:42). 

Closing Prayer (PS 112:6-7):

He shall never be moved;
the just one shall be in everlasting remembrance.
An evil report he shall not fear;
his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD. Amen.

Grace and peace be to you. 

A Child Lights Up a Room

Opening Prayer (PS 24:3-4):

Who may go up the mountain of the LORD?

Who can stand in his holy place?

The clean of hand and pure of heart,

who has not given his soul to useless things, what is vain. Amen.

Greetings!

Nothing "lights up a room" quite like a child, as any parent or childlover will tell you! The occasion yesterday of the Feast of the Presentation (when Mary and Joseph presented the infant Jesus in the temple to be consecrated as their firstborn (Luke 2:22-40), gives us reason as Childlovers to not only reflect on the message God is sending us about the sacred dignity of all children, but also about the "cross" we bear, often because of them (told in Simeon's canticle: Luke 2:33-35). At the same time we see God's humility as He doesn't so much enter His temple but allows Himself to be carried into the Temple (as we are when lead by the Spirit, like Simeon) in the arms of one of His creatures (Mary and Joseph), we also see His glory "lighting up the room" and all who are in it. It's therefore fitting that even in the mighty Temple of Jerusalem (the "throne of God on Earth"), all it took was one small, meek Child, to bring joy to all who saw Him with the eyes of faith. When we see the Christ Child in every child, we learn how we are to love children.

Readings and Homily: 

It's not insignificant to remind ourselves that God became a human child for the same reason He became a human in general (to teach us humility in a way only He could and about the dignity of human life, including childhood). In His Childhood, God teaches us at different stages about not only the dignity of children in general, but also at different times, the virtues and gifts of humility, trust, obedience, and ultimately love (as at every stage of His life) to show us how to live at every stage of our lives. In the Presentation, He shows us in particular the importance of humility just by sitting in his mother's arms and allowing her to carry Him into the temple (as are we to rely on each other and be for each other the crutch). He was also there in the midst of those worshiping, foreshadowing His later words: "For wherever two or three gather together in my name, I am there with them" (Matthew 18:20), and the Gospel tells us that despite His meekness and ordinary appearance, even then He didn't go unnoticed.

The gospel of Luke points out two elderly individuals in the temple who seemed to "know in whom they believed," and saw this Child for who He was. The first was an elderly man named Simeon, who the gospel tells us had been informed by the Spirit that he would not see death until his eyes had looked upon the Christ (Luke 2:26). He "came into the temple in the Spirit" (directed by the Spirit that is), and saw the infant Jesus and immediately took Him in his arms, and prophesied. We see in this man Simeon a type of "child-lover" as a man who was not the parent of the child but yet still loved Him for who He was, and we can draw a lesson from that and what follows. He first praised God, that he (like us) may "go in peace" after having encountered the Christ, and also called this meek little infant "a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel" (Luke 2:32). Jesus, like many children before him and after him, had truly "lit up" not just the room, but eventually the whole world. The Temple at Jerusalem was often seen as the "meeting place" of the whole world.

Then Simeon blessed the Child, and the words of his canticle blessing were like a second Annunciation (the first one was when the Angel Gabriel announced to Mary that she would bring forth the Christ), and while the first Annunciation brought about joy mixed with hardship, Simeon's prophetic words are no less joyful, but ultimately imply great a hardship not just to Mary (the first Christian for whom a metaphorical "sword would pierce" in this life of hardship), but to the whole of Israel (and later, the rest of mankind) because of this Child:

"...Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother:
“Behold, this child is destined
for the fall and rise of many in Israel,
and to be a sign that will be contradicted—
and you yourself a sword will pierce—
so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” LK 2:33-35

Of particular note in these words of Simeon for childlovers is the reflection we can take on the "cross," because already we see this theme of "redemptive hardship" or "salvation by suffering" which would underscore Jesus's entire life, ministry, teaching, and sacrifice. Simeon says that Christ will be a "sign that will be contradicted," or "a sign of contradiction," (also translated as "opposition" or "spoken against"). In the word "contradiction" we get the imagery of two opposing forces coming together at a junction, like a cross. This is what the "Cross of Christ" really is, and when we are said to "take up our cross," what we are really doing is"taking up our contradiction." What is our contradiction? It can be many things, but basically, the contradiction of our souls is between everything that draws us toward God and everything that pulls us away from Him. In other words, it's everything that rejects us from the Earth (the ground), and everything that rejects us from Heaven (the sky), so we end up "suspended" as it were between the ground and the sky or "between heaven and earth," like Christ was on the cross.

In more practical terms, the cross (or "contradiction") is the "war" between the flesh and the spirit, as St. Paul describes: "For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want" (Galatians 5:17). For childlovers, this war between flesh and spirit can play out in many ways, but one of the most common is that between sexual desire and the desire to love children as God loves them (that is, with purity). As King David in the opening prayer psalm points out, "who can stand in [the Lord's] holy place? The clean of hand and pure of heart..." (Psalm 24:4). Obviously "clean of hand" can mean never actually harming a child or touching a child in an inappropriate way, and "pure of heart" means not just never deriving perverse pleasure even from appropriate touch (a handshake) but also not having perverse desires about children to begin with! Good luck with that!

Indeed, you may take the words of the disciples on your lips: "Who then CAN be saved??" (Luke 18:26/Matthew 19:25, emphasis added). By those terms, no one can stand in the sight of the Lord, for nobody is truly clean of hand, and certainly nobody is truly pure of heart (childlovers included), but that is what is required. "Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God" (Matthew 5:8). The Lord knows this conundrum and promises that we can made pure in heart, and in His mercy provides a way for us to become not only clean of hand, but also pure in heart (in Christ the Lord, our spotless sacrifice, the Lamb Abraham said "God will provide" (Genesis 22:8). When His righteousness was substituted on the physical cross for our iniquity, and when we join our continual sufferings on our spiritual cross (enduring temptations and loneliness) to His once-and-for-all sufferings, we achieve His continual redemption by His once-and-for-all action. As it says in the Letter to the Hebrews: 

"Since the children [believers] share in blood and flesh, Jesus likewise shared in them, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the Devil, and free those who through fear of death had been subject to slavery all their life. Surely he did not help angels but rather the descendants of Abraham; therefore, he had to become like his brothers and sisters in every way, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest before God to expiate the sins of the people. Because he himself was tested through what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested." HEB 2:14-18

Who is being tested? All of us. Each and every day of our lives we are tested like Christ was in the desert (Matthew 4:1-11), and we are basically to apply His answers to each of the Devil's temptations and in doing so rely on His perseverance in hardship. Sexual desire is one of the strongest temptations there is and leads us into all sorts of very sordid habits (not just childlovers, but everyone). Childlovers feel tempted to sexually perverse behaviors no more or less than anyone else, but often have no other outlet for these desires. But just because there is no sexual outlet for the childlover does not mean there is no spiritual outlet which is infinitely greater. The childlover shouldn't be thinking so much of what they are saying "no" to (desires of the flesh), but what they are saying "yes" to (a life of holiness)! They should see not just what they are losing (the sexual desire for children) but what they are gaining in the process (redemption, for themselves and for others, that the will of God be done). God takes everything that leads to death, but He does not take anything that He doesn't repay with even greater abundance in life.

God is therefore asking us, "can you endure it?" Those who do receive the assurance of "blessings" and "justice" from his "saving God." Life may be hard, but chances are it was going to be hard for a childlover anyways (with or without God). The cross is there on our backs whether we acknowledge it or not. If we ignored the cross and went and inappropriately touched a child (God forbid), the cross is now our jail sentence. If we knew the cross and abstained from ever inappropriately touching a child, then the cross is the desire we must endure. This is the "sword" that pierces our heart just as it pierced the heart of Mary (as well as the lance that pierced Christ's side, "near his heart"), as Simeon prophesied. It hurts to accept the cross, but there can be no healing without hurting. We can try to "numb" our wound with sexual gratification (sex or masturbation), or we can let ourselves feel it, and "tell Him where it hurts" (in prayer), so that He may "kiss it any make it better" (in His parental love for us, his "children") and say "it's okay, you'll live." For indeed, "it is not the healthy that have need of a doctor, but the sick" (Mark 2:17). Abstaining from sexual desire hurts, yes, but so did the cross. At the end of the cross though is total healing and peace, not just a perpetual "numbing" of the pain.

Whatever our situation, enduring the cross we are dealt, whether fair or unfair, is what produces perseverance, and through perseverance, Christian perfection: holiness. "...but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved" (Matthew 24:13). Bear your contradiction to console the heart of Christ, and allow your suffering and His to be one and the same, and ONLY then you will be "Christ-like" in this life and beyond.

Hang in there. 

Grace and peace be to you, in all your joyful sufferings.

Closing Prayer (PS 24:4-5):

The clean of hand and pure of heart,
who has not given his soul to useless things, what is vain.
He will receive blessings from the LORD,
and justice from his saving God. Amen.

The Fourth Week of Advent: Peace

The day of the birth of Christ is drawing near. This last candle we light before the birth of our Lord signifies PEACE. We call our Lord by many names, including "Prince of Peace," but even as the angels heralded in the birth of the Christ child with anthems of "peace on earth, goodwill toward men" (Luke 2:14), Jesus was very clear that He did not come to bring "peace on earth" the way we often think of peace. "Do not suppose that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace on earth, but a sword" (Matthew 10:34). What Jesus is saying is not that He came to bring war, nor was He going to thwart all Israel's enemies (the Romans) and establish an earthly kingdom, but that the result of the gospel would inevitably cause division between the forces of good and evil. Indeed, the kind of peace that Jesus was going to bring was not one where good and evil were going to "go along to get along" with each other, but where good was able to triumph over evil for the salvation of all. 

Had Jesus come to bring "peace as the world gives peace," then we would be doomed. For salvation, evil had to be put down and rendered unable to affect us, and the kind of "sword" we use to put it down with is the word of holiness in the gospel. Indeed, the kind of kingdom that Jesus was setting up was a spiritual kingdom where our common enemy (death and sin) would be thwarted, and in casting it down, only then could we have "peace on earth and goodwill toward men." Christ stressed all the more: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives" (John 14:27). The kind of peace Christ established on earth was an inner peace, stemming from inner holiness, which would ripple out of the inward heart and affect the external world until all the earth was in peace. He was not going to "impose peace" (as the world does), for true peace can only come by will and from within. His peace comes from an inner peace which makes the exterior clean as well: "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean" (Matthew 23:26). 

How do we Christian Childlovers find peace? Christ has the answer and it is (like all things) no different from the answer he gives to everyone. We do not find peace by "going along with the crowd" and "doing as everyone else does" or "approving of what everyone else does, just for the sake of keeping pace." This is a false "worldly" peace! We are to be "set apart" from the world for the gospel of God (Romans 1:1; Psalm 4:3). This means if all the other Childlovers are chasing after various lusts, we are not to join in with them because we are assured that they have no peace. St. Paul describes the Christian in these terms, comparing him to those who are "tossed about" in the turbulence of their desires: "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming" (Ephesians 4:14). On the contrary, we are assured by St. Peter that those who are tossed about by wanton desire, obeying its every call, have no peace (even if they think they do): "These people are springs without water and mists driven by a storm" (2nd Peter 2:17). 

Again and again in the Psalms and Proverbs we are implored not to envy or "walk in step" with those who chase after their lusts at every turn (as they often do in the BL and GL communities): "Do not be envious of evil men, Nor desire to be with them; For their minds devise violence, And their lips talk of trouble" (Proverbs 24:1). This message was affirmed by Christ in the Sermon on the Mount, when he said: "You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again?" (Matthew 5:13). Christians live in the world (in peace), but they are not of this world, and so reject what the world values. Their values are the eternal truths of God, who does not have peace, but is Peace. One can not have God's Peace if he wars in himself or is torn between the lust of the flesh and the "lust of the spirit"...for these are constantly at war: "For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want" (Galatians 5:17). If we loose our flavor, or our own inner goodness (by "going along with the others and lusting and perverting and engaging in various revelries," even just to "get along with others"), then we have LOST our inner peace, and then there is no "peace on earth." 

For a Childlover to have peace, they first have to live the gospel in truth (which is to participate in that "division" that Christ is talking about, even if it means dividing themselves from other Childlovers who live at war within themselves). But that doesn't mean we should go around the internet communities warring against our Chidlove brothers who disagree with our approach to inner peace (indeed, some will claim to find inner peace by their lusts), nor do we have to completely abandon them, especially if there is a remnant among them that can be helped. Instead we should be among them as examples of inner peace, praying for them, with our inner light shining before them that they may glory God: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:16). Then, Christ says, we will "be the salt of the earth," which is to say, we will be "perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). We can not settle for personal imperfection, for nothing imperfect can have peace, but we need to strive for absolute perfection which is in Christ Jesus. As the prophet Micah (5:5) wrote: "And he will be their peace." 

We need to join our will to that of the Father (who is perfect) and therefore be the best of the earth and give the rest of the earth its "flavor." This is what the Blessed Mother and Joseph did when they consented to the will of God that they should be the parents of the Savior, despite all of its inconvenience for them. Indeed as the Apostle Matthew points out, "this is how the birth of Salvation came about:" 

"This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child through the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly. Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet [Isaiah 7:14]: "Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel, which means “God is with us.”" When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home." MT 1:18-24

Indeed, once we have "cleaned the inside of the cup," and conformed our will to the Lord's will, no matter how inconvenient it will be for us and our friendships with others (since everything about what the Lord was asking of Joseph and Mary was going to separate them from others), we are to project that inner good and God's will out on the world, and then the outer world will be made clean, and that outer cleanliness will be the "peace on earth and goodwill toward men" that the angels sang of at the birth of our Lord. Our Peace on Earth, and Salvation, always begins WITHIN. We nurture it in our womb, like the Blessed Mother, and when it arrives, it becomes the Salvation of all. 

"Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me!" 

How beautiful is it when the boy starts singing?

Grace and PEACE be to you!

The Third Week of Advent: Joy

This third week of Advent, we meditate on the blessings of JOY that the coming of the Savior brings, which is what our rose-colored candle symbolizes (pink is not just for girls, although some would say it does indeed make for the "prettiest" vestments. Sorry boys, but there are no blue vestments!). The purple of the rest of Advent is both a royal color of reverence for the coming of the King, but it is also a penitential color reminding us (as Christ does) of all that we need to rely on Him to perfect in us before His coming. But this Sunday was "Gaudete Sunday," which means "Rejoice," and it's not hard to understand why. Certainly the coming of the Lord for your salvation ought to inspire joy, even if just because His grace is the only reason your penance can avail you anything. 

How can the childlover have any joy though? It would seem everything about living a life set apart for the concern of children and often having no friends for whom to turn to would be devoid of joy and entirely about pain and suffering. Even more for the Christian childlover, who may look out and only see the condemnation of other childlovers for following so "rigid" a path. But even here joy is not only available, but abundantly so! We should be reminded that the coming of the Savior was not so ideal in the lives of both the Blessed Mother or her spouse Joseph, who were also simple and ordinary people tasked with a great burden (to bear the Son of God!). And yet, because they willingly took on this burden and rode that long, arduous, and crooked path all the way to Bethlehem by secular decree--over hills and streams and deserts, in the cold of the night and the heat of the day, they helped bring salvation to all of mankind, which is the source of all joy. This is what He wants for us:

“I have told you this so that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete.” JN 15:9-11

When we consent to live chastely and without recourse to sin, despite the very real daily STRUGGLE of it (for it can't be understated), we become like "little Bethlehems" in ourselves toward which the Lord makes His way. During this season of Advent, our joy that God is willing to come to us to save us should prompt us to, as John the Baptist did, "make straight" His paths for him, and put nothing before Him that would hinder His arrival. This is not to say that God can be "hindered," but that we hinder our own ability to receive the graces and joys He alone is always capable and willing to give. How can we truly receive His graces and feel the joy his salvation brings? Let's turn to Isaiah the prophet: 

"Strengthen the hands that are feeble, make firm the knees that are weak, say to those whose hearts are frightened: Be strong, fear not! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you. Then will the eyes of the blind be opened, the ears of the deaf be cleared; then will the lame leap like a stag, then the tongue of the mute will sing." IS 35:3-6A,

This could mean that, as a childlover, it's time to clear out of your life everything that causes you weakness, or at least, everything you are weak to resist. If you are "made weak" by desires and lusts for a children or youth in pictures or in real life, turn your mind and heart away from such thoughts and desires as a way to "make straight" His paths. It only makes sense that "strength training" yourself against whatever your "weakness" is will only make you "stronger." Then, as Isaiah points out, your strength will cause you much joy and even singing: 

"Those whom the LORD has ransomed will return and enter Zion singing, crowned with everlasting joy; they will meet with joy and gladness, sorrow and mourning will flee." IS 35:10

Then of course you might be wondering how this solves the problems and struggles that accompany a life of such "rigid self-denial" that may seem unfair, even as other people get to live lives of companionship and sexual practice. But this desire only represents yet another obstacle we must all rid from the path we want to make straight for the Lord, which is the desires of covetousness and envy (forbidden by the 9th and 10th Commandments: "Thou shall not covet..."). Surely, not everyone is born to suck the same juices out of the fruits of life, but all are guaranteed to find their own sweetness in Jesus Christ. Some people are diabetic and can't eat sugar, and we might think this is unfair as well, but whether that be the case, such people also have to "do with what they have been given." It is no different for childlovers, who may have desires that they can never fulfill in the ways that they want. It is the very inability to get what we want that causes us not to have joy, but this "wanting what we can't have" is entirely self-imposed, and can only affect us if we allow it power over us. In this life, no one can truly get "what they want," we can only receive what God gives us, and because this is true for everyone, we can find our companionship with our fellow men (and children) not by always getting what we want, but by our mutual wanting for whatever we are given. 

St. Paul describes in such a perfect way what "true joy" really amounts to in this world, and that it is not in "wanting everything" and feeling miserable over what we "can't have," but in having nothing and feeling great joy over what we "do have." How much does this not describe the path of the childlover: "Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything" (2nd Corinthians 6:4-10). 

Obviously we will never have joy if we are wanting something we can't have, but joy is very readily available if we are instead wanting only for whatever we are given. What we are given is Christ. This means that our joy can never come by merely attaching ourselves to our own desires, but by doing the things that He desires and thereby accepting the gift that He gives, which is joy itself. What does Christ desire for childlovers? That we live chastely and justly and respect the dignity of children and give to their causes charitably and open our hearts to them and to those who care for them: "And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me" (Matthew 18:15). This gift though, which produces true joy, may be a long time coming, and we may have to wait for it and even endure long struggles before we attain it, but nonetheless our joy is and will be all the more "complete" when it comes, as James wrote in his epistle: 

"Be patient, brothers and sisters, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You too must be patient. Make your hearts firm, because the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not complain, brothers and sisters, about one another, that you may not be judged. Behold, the Judge is standing before the gates." JAS 5:7-10

And our Blessed Lord Himself affirmed us of how valuable we really are before the Lord in these times when He has revealed Himself to us, and how worthy He has made us to receive Him, and therefore just why we should be so joyful. Indeed, as the one sent to prepare the way of the Lord, John the Baptist was the greatest man born of a woman just for having lived to announce the beginning of Christ's redemptive ministry, even greater are those who will benefit from that ministry, which Jesus is still carrying out in His Church right now in the Kingdom of God for you. How blessed are "you!"  

"This is the one about whom it is written: Behold, I am sending my messenger ahead of you; he will prepare your way before you. Amen, I say to you, among those born of women there has been none greater than John the Baptist; yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.” MT 11:2-11

We who are actually least in His Kingdom (us lowly sinners) are really greater than they who could only anticipate His Kingdom (like all the prophets and even the greatest of them all, the last of the Old Testament prophets John the Baptist himself), and so we only have all the more reason to be joyful, both that He came, and that He is soon to come again, all for us. 

May the grace, peace, and joy of Christ be to you. 

The Second Week of Advent: Love

The second candle of Advent is lit, and this one should represent something very dear to the heart, and that is LOVE. We may think we know how to love children and that whatever we do, it's okay so long as it doesn't hurt anyone, but what is true love other than God's love? It is said that God does not love, He is Love itself. When we love anyone, even imperfectly, we are already experiencing God to an extent (1st John 4:7), whether we recognize it as such or not, but we have all kinds of definitions of love that get in the way and create dishonest ideas of love that often involve ourselves and our own needs first and foremost. God's Love is the purest and truest form of love, and that is complete and total sacrifice of the self for others. What we really love we give our all to, and not just a part of ourselves. We may think we "love" children by lusting after them, and indeed, society thinks the same way about adults lusting after other adults, but there is no such thing as a purely-sexual love. On the other hand, love itself can exist perfectly fine without eros, and can be even more fulfilling. We just have to ask ourselves, how does God love children? and then do likewise. 

There is much we could say about love in the gospel since it nearly pours forth from every page, but in today's gospel, we are reminded in a roundabout way of the true form of love that is not simply about saying "I'm a childlover," or "I'm a Christian," but about living truly for another. As Christ says, "If you love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15). What are His commandments? Above all, "love God, and love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-40; Luke 10:27; Mark 12:30-31). You cannot love your neighbor without love of God, because when you love God, you know what God loves and you want to abide by it, knowing that God loves it most when you show love others as He loves them. John the Baptist reminds us here that in order to love God, you should be doing good works as evidence of your love. We are not defined by what we are or what we think we are, we are defined by what we DO, and if we are not actually showing God's love to children (directly or indirectly though charity), then we have no right to think of ourselves as "child-lovers." As a prophet, he gives a grave warning that those who don't turn and embrace God's charitable love now will soon find themselves without it, and will be unable to save themselves from the lack of love they had stored up in their soul:

"When he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to his baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance. And do not presume to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I tell you, God can raise up children to Abraham from these stones. Even now the ax lies at the root of the trees. Therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. I am baptizing you with water, for repentance,  but the one who is coming after me is mightier than I. I am not worthy to carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fan is in his hand. He will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into his barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.” MT 3:1-12

Even the kingdom of Israel wasn't spared from their due justice, much less will any of us be who don't turn and become like little children. At that point, Israel had been brought to its knees time and time again due to unrepentant attachments to sin, and the once-great Davidic kingdom had been reduced to occupation and desecration with Jews turning against each other. The tree that had once stood so tall as a light to the Earth (the city of Jerusalem) had been effectively "chopped down," as John says here. Indeed, every tree that does not produce good fruit is going to be chopped down in like manner. This is not because God is "wrathful," but because God can't help that which is unrepentant, which is what the teachers of the law were in their hearts. John even insults the Jewish leaders here as being a "brood of vipers," for they spread a kind of spiritual poison like a snake, despite being honorable in the eyes of everyone. John implores them not to simply be men-pleasers and come out to be baptized by him just to look good in front of the others, but to actually bear fruit worthy of the redemption that they were claiming to be seeking. 

How does a childlover "bear fruit worthy of repentance?" One of the greatest of the prophets offers the first glimpses of the coming Hope that will be the hope of both Israel and anyone else who has also been "chopped down" by their own sin and desire: 

"On that day, a shoot shall sprout from the stump of Jesse, and from his roots a bud shall blossom. The spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him: a spirit of wisdom and of understanding, a spirit of counsel and of strength, a spirit of knowledge and of fear of the LORD, and his delight shall be the fear of the LORD... Then the wolf shall be a guest of the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; the calf and the young lion shall browse together, with a little child to guide them." IS 11:1-10

When Isiah says the "stump of Jesse," he is literally talking about the family of Jesse, who was the father of King David, of whose lineage the prophesy said the Messiah would be born from (like a small shoot from the stump) to restore the Davidic kingdom. He is prophesying about the future Messiah who would come to lead men by the gifts of the Holy Spirit (wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord). He says that the divine teaching power of this future Messiah was going to have the effect of literally transforming the nature of the man who humbly received it from being like a "wild beast" to being one of humility, meekness, and loving generosity. For the childlover, Isaiah is essentially saying that the word of the Messiah to come (who we know now to be Christ Jesus), if accepted, is going to transform you from a self-focused "sexual deviant" (as the world sees you, and perhaps how even you see you) into a human being of overflowing love and generosity for children and a selflessness which is more befitting of the term "boylove" or "girllove." You'll become like a little child yourself in fact, and that little child in you, though meek and mild, will be able to tame all those wild, poisonous, and deadly beasts that once controlled you back when you lived impulsively on your sexual whims. Then you'll know what real love is. 

Once more Isaiah emphasizes just how much the word of the coming Messiah will change those who hear it and take heed. The dominion of selfish desire, which so often speaks to us as the antithesis of love, will be so transformed that it can no longer harm you anymore, he says. God's people shall be so delivered once again not only from evil and sin, but also from the fear of evil and sin, that they will be like the child playing with the deadly snake and not being harmed by it or even frightened: 

"The nursing child shall play over the hole of the cobra, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder’s den." IS 11:8

Let's also remember the words of the Lord: "Unless you turn and become as little children, you shall in no-wise enter the Kingdom of Heaven" (Matthew 18:3). What kind of love does a child love with? That is the kind of love you ought to love with. We all have to struggle with sin, but with Christ, we become truly a new creation and in Him and we are no longer harmed by that "serpent of old" (Revelation 20:2) and instead allow the "offspring of the woman" (Jesus Christ, son of the Blessed Virgin Mary) to "crush" the serpent's head (Genesis 3:15). We become capable of loving as He loved us on the cross. Otherwise, we are incapable of loving as God Loves. Both the Lord Jesus Christ and John the Baptist insist that we must "turn" and bear the fruits of charity in our lives, or else we can't say we have any real love in us. 

Thus we will see a return of the Davidic faith, which David so profoundly described in his beautiful Psalm 23: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4). Just as David didn't fear evil because of the Lord, neither will those who take heed of the teachings of the coming Messiah, according to Isaiah. He even describes what this new-Davidic "rod" will be in the new Messiah: "He will strike the ruthless with the rod of his mouth and the breath of his lips shall slay the wicked" (Isaiah 11:4). Truly, Christ by His words and "breath" (which is also translated often as "spirit") did more to slay the wicked than anything else save for his sacrifice on the cross, and so truly Christ's "rod" and "staff" (His love and His spiritual graces) ought to be our greatest consolation and comfort, just as they were for David, and that is how the Kingdom of God (the "New Jerusalem" (Revelation 21:2) is built. It is built on God's love. 

In this season of Advent as we prepare for the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, our King, we should prepare a way for the Charity of God to enter our hearts so that we can love children as He loves children. First of all we have to realize and remember each and every day and whenever we are tempted that, as John the Baptist also said, "I must decrease, and He must increase."

May the Love of Christ increase in you. Grace and peace be to you. 

The First Week of Advent: Hope

The season of Advent has begun for Christians, and so today remember to light a candle as a reminder that Christ is "the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6) who's "light was the light of men" (John 1:4). Most Christian Childlovers have at some point probably lived lives of excessive hedonism, completely blinded by lust and unfulfilled desires leading to depression, desperation, and bitterness against the world (I know I have!). Christ offers you Light in that darkness and may still be calling you towards Himself so that the prophesy of the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled: “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness--on them light has shined” (Isaiah 9:2). If God has shined His Light on you, it's time to be "a light" for Him shining in a dark world as its hope in Him. 

The candle lit on the first Sunday of Advent is the candle of Hope, for in Christ we have our only reason to hope. As the Apostle John wrote: "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it" (John 1:5), so if you have this Light in you, you can hope in the Hope that it will never be extinguished. This first candle of Advent is a reminder of Christ's special message of his Hope to many a lonely, disgruntled, worried, wrongfully-persecuted or weary Childlover, as well as to many a child in need of affection, outreach, an adult role model, or the basic kindness from a friend. It reminds us that all we need to do to find ways to bring these two things together in a dark world where they seem so separate is to Hope in God through Jesus Christ, who is the Light, and His ability to do it:

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" (Romans 5:2-5). 

God has literally poured out His Love and if any of it has reached your heart, as a Childlover, persevere in the hope that He offers and the opportunities He is willing and able to give you to extend His hope to those who need it. You know it because it's the same kind of affection and kindness you already want to show to children. Rejoice in this Hope, even despite your daily struggles, and you will come to know the good character He wants to prepare in you this time of year especially as you prepare yourself both for the coming of the birth of the Lord (on Christmas) and His future coming in glory. Christ reminds us in his Church today that we must "stay awake" and be vigilant for His sake, for this purpose, because we know not the hour He will come again:

"Be sure of this: if the master of the house had known the hour of night when the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and not let his house be broken into. So too, you also must be prepared, for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come." MT 24:37-44

Surely though, if we are awake and vigilant at all times by His grace, the promise of the coming of Christ is the greatest, surest hope we have, no matter what our struggles or difficulties. We can't hope in our lusts, or in our sexual appetites, or even in our own internal division, because these things followed to their inevitable conclusion will result in nothing but potential depression, anxieties, and inadequacy, or worse, imprisonment, or even worse, a child being physically and spiritually harmed, and that path is nothing but death because of that. We can hope that in dying to such lusts, as Christ also died so that all sin could be defeated, that we can defeat the temptations to sin in our own life, and then as Christ was reborn in a new glorified form, become reborn ourselves in a new glorified form, and walk the path of His Life that will find us truly LOVING children the way God intends for them to be loved, as it is His will. 

St. Paul continues this message: "Brothers and sisters: You know the time; it is the hour now for you to awake from sleep" (Romans 13:11). He says that, as the long year comes to a close in our case, the night has passed away and the DAY is dawning anew, and implores us to walk in the daylight and no longer merely "sleep-walk" through our life and stumble around as we would in the darkness as we went following after whatever appetite or lust threw us this way or that and left us feeling lonely and depressed as a result. Live consciously, St. Paul says, and "keep watch" (as Christ also commanded the disciples at Gethsemane (Matthew 26:40): 

"Let us then throw off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and lust, not in rivalry and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh." ROM 13:11-14

In our preparations for the coming of Jesus Christ, our Savior, far more than merely lighting a candle, is to literally become "a light" shining in the darkness just as He is. Christian Childlovers are called to be "set apart" from the world (Romans 12:2), and particularly apart from other Childlovers, almost like a candle shining in the darkness. We are not here to run after the whims of various pedophilic lusts as many Childlovers may, but conform ourselves to the Light, as Christ prayed on our behalf: "They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world" (John 17:15-18). 

Be sent into the world, and in so doing prepare for the coming of the Lord, rejoicing in your struggles and persevere through them. Die to the self so that you may live for others this Advent! In living, try to truly "set yourself apart" this holiday season. Instead of spending time within the various message boards and internet communities for Childlovers prattling on as you know they always do in idleness, set time apart during Advent this year to donate to some cause for needy children instead, even if it's just some food for the local church or community collection. Or go buy a toy, a blanket, or something comfortable for a child in need and donate it to the local church or community collection, or make it an anonymous gift to a family and just leave it at their doorstep! Tell them why you have given it on behalf of Jesus Christ. If you know a family who is struggling to make ends meet, be a true Childlover and donate your time or financial support to give a family hope this Advent in preparation for the Hope that God has given you in the birth and coming of His Only Begotten Son Jesus Christ. 

Let us pray: Lord as we look to the birth of Jesus, grant that the light of your love for us will help us to become lights in the lives of those around us. Prepare our hearts for the joy and gladness of your coming, for Jesus is our hope. Amen.

May we receive God’s light. Grace and Hope be to you. 

Gifts You Gotta Grab For

Opening Prayer (PS 34;19-20):

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;

and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.

Many are the troubles of the righteous,

but the LORD delivers him from them all. Amen.

Greetings!

How often do we think there's just no justice in the world when it comes to being a childlover? We may often wonder "when do I get my reward for having to practice more self-control than anyone else I know?" The truth is, whether we are Christian or not, the way of the childlover can not be separated from the way of the Christian. We are to suffer and go without while others get to partake. We are to be hated by everyone even as we wake up every morning trying to do the right thing by children in ways nobody will ever know or give us credit for. The fact is, we're looking for justice in all the wrong places -- in ourselves and for what we think we "deserve" rather than seeing ourselves as agents of God's justice working through us already. Inner peace with ourselves and others is what we want, but it takes a humble heart (without pride) to receive that peace. 

Readings and Homily: 

When we see our own good works not as our own but as God's work, our own works reveal themselves for what they really are (all the lies, lusts, adulteries, and feuds we've had with people...etc), and far from seeing ourselves as being unjustly dealt, we see how undeserving we really are, and then how loving God is--that even in our self-righteousness, God has already made us agents of his mercy and justice in the world. We have so much to be thankful for, but we can only be "thankful" if we have received what we are thankful for, and we can only receive what is given to us if we are open to receiving it, and we can only be "open to it" if we are acknowledge that we are in need of it. It takes humility in prayer. At the same time though we may often be the favorite in our own minds, convincing ourselves of our righteousness and that we "deserve" or "have a right" to certain things (like respect from others), whether we are Christian or not, but Joshua ben Sira the wise wrote well when he said: "The LORD is a God of justice, who knows no favorites" (Sirach 35:12). No one is entitled to anything simply because they think they are deserving, and that means you, and me, and everyone. God will give to us what we actually deserve, and not what we think we deserve, because God is just, and we are not. 

Despite this individual impartiality, God is not indifferent, for He hears the oppressed, the poor (in material things yes, but especially the "poor in spirit" (Matthew 5:3)), the sick, and those hungering and thirsting for righteousness (Matthew 5:6), but at the same time: "The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination [to the Lord]..." (Proverbs 21:27). God doesn't hear the prayers of the wicked, or prideful, and those who think they have no need, not because He is cruel, but because He can't give to those who refuse to receive. On the other hand, He listens to those who are humble and know they are in need and are open to receiving whatever He's willing to give (whether it's what we want or not). Sirach goes on to say: "The Lord is not deaf to the wail of the orphan, nor to the widow when she pours out her complaint" (Sirach 35:17). The question then becomes, do we think of ourselves as needing the righteousness of God, or do we think we don't need God because we already have it "in ourselves?" Scripture is very clear about which one God hears: 

"The one who serves God willingly is heard; his petition reaches the heavens. The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds; it does not rest till it reaches its goal, nor will it withdraw till the Most High responds, judges justly and affirms the right, and the Lord will not delay." SIR 35:16-18

Does our prayer reach the clouds? Does it not rest until it reaches what it searches for? Does it not withdraw until the Most High responds? If such is the case, we should see ample evidence that the Lord has not delayed in answering. If not, and if for any reason we have rested our petition, our desire, withdrawn it, or put our trust in something else that is not capable of granting what we want from the Lord, then it's not that God is being unjust with us, it's that we have become receivers of God's justice, which means we get what we deserve. If we want to experience God's justice to our benefit, then we best humble ourselves and put off pride. If instead we find ourselves experiencing God's justice to our detriment, it's a calling to repentance, not condemnation. We condemn ourselves when we don't respond to the call of repentance from God (as Paul instructed Titus to ignore sinners who refuse to accept admonishment: "You may be sure that such [divided] people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned" (Titus 3:11)).

We improperly judge ourselves, and that arrogance and pride will do a number on us, distorting (or "warping") and magnifying how we regard what is just for "us" to receive. We may feel like we're doing the right thing and therefore convince ourselves that we are "entitled to" more respect than we are receiving from others. As Christian Childlovers, how often do we find ourselves in among other childlovers who are "basking in iniquity" and consider ourselves "superior" to them? How often do we feel persecuted when both the outside world and our own fellow childlovers fail to tolerate our lifestyle choices, as if they owe it to us? Maybe the beginning of finding inner peace with ourselves and with the world comes from being able to not feel superior to anyone, as Paul also stopped short of condemning those who refused him: "At my first defense no one appeared on my behalf, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them!" (2nd Timothy 4:16). Notice he didn't chastise those who deserted him at his hour of need, but forgave them, which is a profound act of humility. Maybe all we need to do to start being at peace in a world that isn't giving us the respect we think we "deserve" is to stop thinking we deserve any respect from this world, so that we can then be grateful to God alone for the respect we do receive from the Lord, as Paul goes on to say: 

"But the Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that through me the proclamation might be completed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was rescued from the lion's mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil threat and will bring me safe to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory forever and ever. Amen." 2 TM 4:17-18

Once we stop expecting that God "owes us" something for the great "nothing" we have to offer Him in return, we start to realize just how much God has already given us, and how much we are in debt to Him instead. When we compare our righteousness to that of other childlovers (in our case), we make ourselves the standard of our own righteousness, exalting ourselves before God and making ourselves incapable of receiving what God wishes to give us: peace (NOT "your peace," but HIS peace: "...My peace I give you" (John 14:27). On the other hand, when we compare our righteousness to that of Christ's, Whom we should compare ourselves to if we really are "Christ"ians, we make Christ the center of our lives and see how lowly we really are by comparison, and therefore make ourselves capable of receiving His peace, which IS peace itself, "not as the world gives" so that we don't let our "hearts be troubled" (John 14:27). When we exalt ourselves before God, we are children throwing a tantrum before God Who then can't give to us the good things we need because we are cutting ourselves off from being able to receive them. When we humble ourselves before God, we make ourselves adoring, obedient children who can be given many good things, which pleases the Lord to do even more than it pleases a parent to give good things to their children (Matthew 7:11). 

And isn't inner peace really what we are looking for when we go looking for the satisfaction of being on the "receiving end" of justice? We feel like we are due something for our efforts from a world that is unwilling or incapable of giving it, and so we don't feel at peace, but maybe we would feel at peace if we just stopped convincing ourselves that we "deserved" it and just received what we are given instead. We would have what we really want (the Lord's peace) if we could just stop wanting what we don't deserve (respect from men), and Christ tells us this: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" (Mark 11:24). Notice, Christ does not say "believe that you already have it," (which would assume you were the source of the gift), but says "believe that you have received it" (from God), and only then is it "yours." In order to receive anything, you have to be open to receiving it, otherwise you will never receive it, no matter how much it is given. You have to humble yourself to realize what little you have and how much you need. 

This parable of Jesus from the Gospel of Luke really speaks for itself, and prompts you to ask yourself: As a childlover, do I see myself as a noble person, beyond reproach and therefore having no need for mercy (a "pharisee"), or do I see myself as the lowest of the low, completely beyond hope and mercy and desperately clinging to wickedness at all times despite wanting forgiveness (a "tax collector")? Christ is very clear about who's prayer will get heard: 

"Jesus addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else. "Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector. The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, 'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity -- greedy, dishonest, adulterous -- or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’ But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, 'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.' I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted." LK 18:9-14

In this spirit, pray right now and always "Oh God, have mercy on me, a sinner," and be merciful to someone you would never think to be merciful towards (even your worst enemy), and then know that if your prayer is genuine, God WILL be merciful to you, and grant you the peace that you will have only in Him--a peace you do not "deserve," but one He is willing to give anyways. You will notice and value the respect you already do have from other childlovers and the world so much more when you stop trying to measure it against the respect you think you "deserve." The humbled will be exalted. 

Grace and peace be to you. 

Closing Prayer (PS 34:17-18):

The LORD confronts the evildoers,

to destroy remembrance of them from the earth.

When the just cry out, the Lord hears them,

and from all their distress he rescues them. Amen.

Nothing Good Comes Easy

Opening Prayer: (PS 121:1-2)

I lift up my eyes toward the mountains;

whence shall help come to me?

My help is from the LORD,

who made heaven and earth. Amen.

Greetings!

Living life as a childlover is hard, whether you're a Christian or not, but it's a lot harder if you're a Christian. Childlove is all about personal sacrifice, which may be why God made you this way. For this reason we were called to be childlovers: so that we could unite our daily sacrifices to the Lord's sacrifice, for His sake, which is what is good for all. Without casting judgement, we can say that it is hard for anyone professing to be a Christian to really be united with the Lord Jesus Christ if they are living lives to themselves, for their own pleasures, lusts, and desires. It is hard to truly do as we are all called to do (sacrifice our desires) if we are not actually "doing" that, for faith without works is not enough (James 2:26). It's important that we recognize who we are really serving, and if there is any part of ourselves that is still serving our own pleasures, to call upon the Lord to root that desire out of our hearts so that we may live entirely to Him. But what do we do when God doesn't just up and root it out, but forces us to "bear it" instead? Maybe we need to start learning what "true righteouness" is all about. There's nothing easy about "bearing it," but nothing truly good comes easy.

Readings and Homily:

It's not enough to simply be a "good pedophile." Christian Childlovers are called to be Christians wholly and completely, and to give all the "other parts" of themselves over to God in sacrifice. In doing so, and only in doing so, do we become better "childlovers." Christ was very clear that to be a Christian is to forsake all things that are not Christ first and foremost, and even those things and people we love and are most dear to us. It can seem totally against our better judgement to forsake our devotion to children, but remember, it's not about what our judgement tells us, but what God's judgement is. Our own judgement is fickle and will only bring us tribulation and self-imprisonment, but God's judgement is truth itself, and that truth will "set you free" (John 8:32). Does this mean there is any part of our understanding that we should cling to? What if we have sexual longings that seem "good for us?" Can we trust our feelings? King Solomon both lived and knew the answer to this, and the answer was then just as now a resounding "no": "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6). Christ reitterated the importance of this central teaching:

Then he said to all, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?” Lk 9:22-25

We may want to serve children first because of the longings of our heart, but that is to be leaning on our own understanding, which we must not do. Christ tells us again "You can not serve God and riches!" (Matthew 6:24; Luke 16:13). We might think we are indeed "made rich" when we are blessed with young friends to nurture, but God wants us to know children are not the source of our riches (or blessings), for even something like children or young friends are just temporary things. Kids grow up. They fall out of contact. They are surely not the path to happiness since they are so transient, nor are they a measure of our ability to be happy because where would that leave us without them? The fact is we can still be happy without them in our lives and we can still be miserable with them, as many childlovers will attest. Christ reminds us in the above scripture that we are not "made rich" by what we possess, but by what we receive from on high, whatever it may be. We have to serve God first, and ONLY THEN if God wants, He will show us how we can serve His most precious children in a more righteous and Godly way than we would ever be capable of doing on our own!

The fact is, God knows the longings of our heart, and that what we are really after is deeper communion with Him. Sometimes we can put a boy or a girl in the place of God though, which is idolatry, and that is why God forbids such in the First Commandment: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" (Deuteronomy 6:5). Not one part of your heart should be loving anything that is not God first, but if you really do love God first, only then will you understand that your calling is then to go and love others, including children, "as God loves them." It also bestows blessings upon you! Love of God inspires you to pray to Him for the longings of your heart, and to put your trust in His ability to give you what is best for you, and also gives you a much better assurance than you had by yourself: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" (Mark 11:24). And not only in spoken prayer, but also in the way you live your life in Christ, you are given this assurance: "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" (John 15:7). Notice this assurance is by condition. You have to both ask for it (by faith), and have to live a Christ-like life (with good works), and all that is good will be given to you from God, whatever it may be. Christ also says persistence is key: 

Jesus told his disciples a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary.... "Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them? I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" LK 18:1-8

This message is especially directed not just at those who are desiring temporal things, like YFs, but also at those who are genuinely seeking after spiritual things, like a deepening relationship with Christ Jesus. Why would God seem to be so slow to answer even our prayers for our own spiritual needs? Sometimes it seems like we could be so much more closer to God if only God would just REMOVE our unhealthy desires to begin with! Why do we have to suffer with them and fall away from God again and again (ad infinitum) until we are literally desperate and despaired? Wouldn't it just be easier for God to remove our sexual desires for children completely and make us holy? Why can't we just have our great conversion and change of heart, make it a done deal, seal the desire away forever, and then see to it that we never act as dogs "returning to our own vomit" as Proverbs writes and St. Peter repeats (Proverbs 26:11; 2nd Peter 2:22)? We may be tempted to become angry with God and curse him for putting this "curse" on us as pedophiles, that we should live with these desires and succumb to them over and over and over! Why would God do this to us? 

The answer is simple. It is because God wants us to "pray always without becoming weary" (Luke 18:1), and knows we wouldn't if everything we wanted was simply given to us, even our spiritual desires. God is capable of removing our sexual desires right now, but He doesn't, because He wants to "do us one better." He doesn't want to simply force us to be righteous and take away all impediments for us, but to teach us the true path of righteousness and how to be righteous. It does not come easy, and it requires personal sacrifice for the will of God daily, which means dying to self and everything we know and think and hold dear, putting it ALL at the feet of God and backing away, and then doing as He has told us for our own good, even if we have to do it thousands of times over!

Remember the agony in the garden? The humanity of Christ prayed at least three times for God to simply "take away" the "cup" that he was being forced to drink from (death on the cross), but ultimately left it all to the will of God (Mark 14:36; Luke 22:42). St. Paul then reminds us that if God dealt with his own Son in such a way (a Son He was "well pleased with" (Matthew 3:17)), how much more will He also deal with us the same way: "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32). The point is, Jesus never said it we should only pray when it is easy, but especially when things are hard. In fact, when things are easy, it is then that we feel we don't need God, but when push comes to shove, it is then that God reminds us of just how much we need Him. 

Consider these words: "There are many saints in heaven who would perhaps never have become saints if God had not allowed them to struggle on longer than they would have wished, against trials and difficulties—spiritual as well as physical..."Ask and you shall receive," not perhaps what you wanted, but what God knew you needed. "Seek and you shall find," not the easy way which you thought you deserved, but the harder way which would make you more deserving of heaven. "Knock and it shall be opened unto you," not the door you were standing at, which would have delayed or endangered your progress, but the door further down the street where refreshment and new courage to continue on your upward climb were awaiting you." 

--The Sunday Readings Cycle C, Fr. Kevin O' Sullivan, O.F.M.

And then consider the words of the Apostle Paul to his younger friend Timothy: 

I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingly power: proclaim the word; be persistent whether it is convenient or inconvenient; convince, reprimand, encourage through all patience and teaching. 2 TM 3:14-4:2

What amazing advice to give to a young person! The key is being persistent, whether it is convenient or inconvenient to do so. It is all well and good to be persistent when it convenient, but know that it is under TRIAL that God MAKES you "worthy of heaven." So I say, be persistent, especially when it is inconvenient to do so, which for a childlover is frequent, and you will have the assurance of God: "But the one who endures to the end will be saved" (Matthew 24:13). Something tells me that a martyr for the faith like St. Paul knew what he was talking about...

Remember always that God made heaven and earth, so how much more can He "make" you? The key is trusting that He can. Never ever ever give up.

Grace and peace be with you. 

Closing Prayer: (PS 121: 5-6)

The LORD is your guardian; the LORD is your shade;

he is beside you at your right hand.

The sun shall not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night. Amen.